Tuesday, January 12, 2010

one of THOSE conversations...

Maybe you've had one of THOSE conversations?
One that seems, on the surface, to be very trivial, but what starts to really drive the discussion is layers upon layers of other stuff. History. History with each other, with other people, a history of hurts and misunderstandings and missteps. None of this is mentioned, though, it just lurks beneath the surface of what looks like a benign chat, digging in it's little pokers at the most unexpected places, driving the conversation awry, scratching out new little hurts.

Until both parties are hurt and not talking to each other...

And confused, because, really, what was being discussed seemed so very trivial...

5 comments:

The Numismatist said...

My sister, every time.

Tgaps said...

In response to twitter: "have you ever had one of these conversations? http://bit.ly/87nPbM (if so, have any advice?)"

Not so much in how to deal with the conversation directly but one method to lessen/eliminate the uncomfortable/hurt triggers experienced. My version/rewrite of the class I sat in is below. Maybe it applies or maybe I'm associating aspects of your experience with differing aspects of mine.

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=225825198

G said...

Tgaps- thank you for that link, and the notes. I'll have to think about if/how I will do the 15 min re-living processing suggestion, but very insightful and intriguing. Thank you.

adamf said...

That is one thing I LOVE about couples therapy. I get to help people process those layers and layers and history and missteps. It is also one thing that is incredibly frustrating about these conversations IRL. With all the conversation rules we have, we're not allowed to do much slowed-way-down process talk with feelings and a third party involved.

D'Arcy said...

Had one with my ex right before I moved. Only thing is that I think he wasn't even in a place to get how much he was jabbing...that makes it hard too.