Wednesday, December 28, 2011

wierd is okay.

Read an interesting article the other day.

I learned a few helpful labels; ie my preference for solitary activities and for work over play may be tied to Social Anhedonia. My difficulty with close relationships and intimacy, as well as my odd social quirks could be linked to a Schizotypal personality. My distress at the inability to successfully filter out the pervasive stream of information (and my ways of coping with it) could be a touch of Cognitive disinhibition.

It's nice that "weird" is being more appreciated lately (the market value of out-of-the-box thinking helping to facilitate positive social change in work-place environments), but I'm haunted by the fact that I'm merely missing the higher IQ and a greater working memory required to pull all the odd edges together into actual viable creative power. (Heh, that itch just never seems to go away for me, even after an artistically busy and successful year.)

Random wrap-up stuffs;
I have been enjoying Bones quite a bit (yes I know, I am a bit late to jump on that bandwagon). Particularly, I love actress Emily Deschanel's portrayal of dr Temperance Brennan with a social awkwardness that boarders on Asbergers Syndrome. Then, from the more tortured end of the genius spectrum, I finally got around to watching Sylvia. Personally, I wanted more from the movie, particularly, I wanted more of Sylvia's words. So here, November Graveyard, performed by Plath herself:

The scene stands stubborn: skinflint trees
Hoard last year's leaves, won't mourn, wear sackcloth, or turn
To elegiac dryads, and dour grass
Guards the hard-hearted emerald of its grassiness
However the grandiloquent mind may scorn
Such poverty. No dead men's cries

Flower forget-me-nots between the stones
Paving this grave ground. Here's honest rot
To unpick the heart, pare bone
Free of the fictive vein. When one stark skeleton
Bulks real, all saint's tongues fall quiet:
Flies watch no reserrections in the sun.

At the essential landscape stare, stare
Till your eyes foist a vision dazzling on the wind:
Whatever lost ghosts flare
Damned, howling in their shrouds across the moor
Rave on the leash of the starving mind
Which peoples the bare room, the blank, untenanted air.
~sylvia plath

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

In Defense of Humbug. (and...THE HOBBIT!!!)

This. Yes, this. I need a little validation, now and again for the fact that December in general (and Christmas specifically) is a no fun time of year for me.

This next bit is something Malanie posted to her FB page, however she had merely stolen it from someone else who I do not know. But it's brilliant so here you go:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that the USA is necessarily greater nor lesser than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms :

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Best Regards (without prejudice)

Name withheld (Privacy Act)

Meanwhile, on a totally different subject (but helping me feel happy)... GUESS WHAT WAS JUST RELEASED!? First Trailer for The Hobbit (coming Dec '12)

Sunday, December 4, 2011

down time (and being okay with it) ((JUST KIDDING))

Yesterday, I did a test run.
I'm signed up for the local marathon next week. After a very busy summer/autumn where I fell off the training schedule, I thought I might be able to at least pull off the half marathon (it's what I did last year.) But yesterday, attempting to run even just half the distance, I found my legs and my heart were just not in it.
I shall be bowing out of the race altogether.

I've been in a bit of a slump, the past few weeks. Burnt out.

I am finding comfort in food, and drink, reading, and watching TV. In not pushing myself so hard. For just a little bit. So it makes sense that I'm off my game, physically. What I am trying to do, right now, is be okay with that. To allow myself that. A break. To not panic that this is the end of my active life. To see this as just a lull, where I catch my breath, and breath.

Yesterday, I ran a route that is one of my favorites: a beautiful hilly trek through the gorgeous scenery of Sabino Canyon. It's 7.4 miles total. Yesterday, I only got through 5 before I had to stop and walk. That was a disappointment. But... as I walked the rest of the way through the canyon, back to the parking lot... I just tried to enjoy the fresh air. The view. I was in an awesome place. Might as well enjoy it, even if not getting the workout I had hoped to get.

Down time. It's necessary. So, be okay with it.


Dec 16th Update

I did end up running the race. Told myself it would be a nice slow one, gave myself permission to stop and walk if need be. Then Katy found me a running buddy (who just happened to have finished his first Iron Man) and with his coaching and encouragement, I ended up running the race even faster than last year.
Thank you Katy!
(And Jarreau!)