So, after several days of being very disturbed by the events of the interview, I finally decided to get if off my chest and write a letter to the Stake Pres.
Here is the content of the letter I sent yesterday:
Dear President X,
I am writing this on my own behalf because I was greatly disturbed by the interview my husband and I had with you the other evening. Even now, several days later it is still painful, and I hope that in expressing my feelings to you I can let it go.
The only frame of reference I have to explain why we were asked to come in a meet with you so late on Tuesday evening was that DH was going to be asked to serve in the Elder’s Quorum (or something like that). Therefore the abrupt manner in which the interview was concluded (with no explanation as to it’s original purpose) after you found that I did not have a temple recommend was extremely hurtful to me. At best I am willing to believe that you were taken back at the fact that I did not have a temple recommend and after a long day you just didn’t have energy to deal with the situation tactfully. At worst, I have wondered if the interview wasn’t intentionally constructed as manipulative attempt to shame me by dismissing my husband on my account. It seemed that without any further information you judged my husband’s ability, testimony, sincerity and desire to serve. And that without any further information you judged my ability to support my husband in serving the church.
I understand the need to keep up appearances, so I am not surprised that a man married to a wife who displays concerns with aspects of the church would not be chosen for leadership positions. Likewise, I understand the perception that such a wife might have a negative effect upon her husband’s ability to serve. So on the one hand I am left to wonder why we were even invited in (unless you were ignorant as to my state) and on the other hand I am furious that such a judgment would be made with so little knowledge of the situation.
I am sure that many elders were in consideration, all qualified and able, and that the spirit guides the ultimate decision. What left such a bitter taste in my mouth as the interview was concluded was the strong sense that my husband was being dismissed for no other reason than that he is married to a ‘flawed’ wife.
Well, there you go. I just needed to get that off my chest.
Thank you for listening.
Whew. I must say, I feel much much better. A big weight lifted. Of course, we'll see what happens now. At best, he writes me back to say he is sorry my feelings were hurt, it was not his intention at all, it was a miss-understanding, or whatever... At worst, I get my ass hauled in for disciplinary action. And in between 'best' and 'worse' all manner of responses are possible, such as ignoring the letter altogether or reading the letter out-loud at the next Stake Conference as an example of someone who has lost the spirit and is easily offended.
But for the moment... life is happy again.