Friday, March 7, 2008

narcissist



I take a lot of pictures, sometimes over a hundred a day. Many different things catch my eye and imagination,
the street while driving, flowers, my son, dirty dishes, lots and lots of things. but I have to admit a bit of an obsession with also taking pictures of myself. A LOT of them. But I never do anything with them, I keep them hidden on the hard-drive. It is rather embarrassing to admit that I do this, kind of like saying 'yea, I think I am SO cool'; edging up to that vague line between self-confidence and self-absorption. It got worse when we got the digital camera, I can now instantly see if the angle was good, if it masked my awkward chin and thin pinched lips, if it brought out my eyes, and made my narrow forehead look not so ungraceful... basically, does the picture make me look pretty? Click Click Click Click... do I look better now? And photoshop... oh photoshop! Adjusting colors and lighting and adding filters to 'enhance the image'. Make myself so very pretty.
I wish I didn't spend so much time wishing i was prettier. But then, I also spend a lot of time wishing I was smarter, funnier, stronger, faster, and better at math and spelling too... I bet I spend just as much time wishing I had eidetic memory, or was a competitive triathlete, or a witty improv comedian as I do wishing my jaw line was a little more graceful. Sigh... it is still all about me... I think a good thing to work for would be to spend less time thinking about ME... and instead thinking about some of the so many things in this world that could use a little of my energy. Like poverty, the environment, and at risk children, just to name a few.
Just a few thoughts I have had lately.

6 comments:

Ellen said...

The folder on my hard-drive with all my self-portraits takes the longest to load than any other picture folder. *blushes*
Just this morning I had to take a picture of myself for something that is being published. I thought about which white wall in my house would make my face look best, the light,etc. I wasted a lot of valuable time doing that.
And then there is the aspect of facebook profile pictures... :-)

G said...

personally I am still trying to decide which is my 'best' side. give me a few hundred more shots and I should be able to tell you. (and, oh! how I agonized over my profile picture.!)

congrats on being published, ellen!

mr. pink's mom said...

"I think a good thing to work for would be to spend less time thinking about ME... and instead thinking about some of the so many things in this world that could use a little of my energy. Like poverty, the environment, and at risk children, just to name a few."

unfortunately, you can't change those problems but you can how you think about yourself. you can become that competitive triathlete, ect., you can look in the mirror and believe that you are beautiful just as your are. (especially, since the new earing _wink_)and you can do your very small part to help the environment

in turn, you will encourage the next generation of girls to think more positively of themselves and encourage them to be more than what they thought(or were told) they could be

and then you will see that you are/were doing your part.

does this make sense?

angryyoungwoman said...

Whenever I'm at my mom's house, I turn the mirrors in her bathroom so I can stare at my profile while I wash my hands. While I undress for my shower, I just have to watch myself in the mirror because I'm astounded at my body. I think everybody is like this (I hope so, at least). I don't think it's vanity, it's some kind of carryover from infancy when we used to stare up at our own hands moving--an amazement that we own something as physical, real temporary/permanent as a body--and we can control it. It's pretty cool, I think.

G said...

angryyoungwoman... I do the same thing!!! I hadn't thought of it that way, but it makes sense.

mpm, I would love to feel like I could help the next generation of young girls feel better about them selves, more than anything I wish I could help my little sister (10 yrs old), a beautiful lithe blond child... who already talks about how much she hates her body (just like all of her sisters before her). I am really hoping I can be an influence on her.

Nana said...

I like that Angryyoungwomen! I also think we are so fascinated with trying to get a good look at our selves because we can't get a good 3D look at ourselves...and defiantly not our face.
Galen I hope you don't mind that I'm going to do a plug on your blog, but all the talk about worthy causes kind of' opened it up for me! I'm walking in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, and I have to raise at least $1,800 for the cause...so, ya'll want to donate to a worthy cause? I have the info on my blog at sotofamilyonline.blogspot.com
I hope you guys check it out! Thanks!