Monday, March 22, 2010

fear


One of my biggest fears is that I will turn up pregnant.

I have an IUD which has been faithfully turning the tide of semen for 5 years and mostly it goes about it's work with me even forgetting it's there. But occassionaly, I'll feel different, a slight weight change, a change in my eating patterns, something... and I'll panic.
OMG I'm pregnant, am I pregnant? What will I do.........??
(My sister-in-law got pregnant while using the same IUD I am using. It's not a 100% guarantee.)
Therefore, I keep a stash of pregnancy tests so I can discover that no, I am not pregnant and I breath easy again.

My IUD expires this month. When we switched insurance plans the saleman assured us that BC costs for an IUD would be nothing more than the copay for an office visit. He was wrong. We are looking at a charge 15 times the amount we thought it would be. And so, we are also looking at other options.

The health care bill passed yesterday and that gives me a tremendous sense of hope for the nation.
But I don't feel any personal relief from the worry clawing at the back of my head about birth control decisions that we must make right now, immediately.

And, god, feeling so silly for the worry. We are in a position to be able to absorb the hit, it is a very inconvenient surprise, but not a financial disaster. For many people, this might be a financial disaster.

For us, for me, it's just a little scratching worry and fear, and the unexpected need to look at all the options. (Of which, we have many.)

3 comments:

dbd said...

I don't know your status, but we decided to have me snipped after 4 kids. I think it is the least the male can do after the female goes through so much labor. It is nice not to have to worry.

Chandelle said...

Thanks for the visual of "tide of semen." I expect to see some art come out of that. :)

Getting pregnant is one of my greatest fears. I feel shitty about it as I watch friends struggle with infertility, but that's just the way it is. And I'm the same way, constantly scanning myself for symptoms.

...even though Jeremy is vasectomized. Which I cannot recommend highly enough.

But I still worry about it because we've been embarrassingly fertile, the kind of couple who get pregnant the instant we think about it, and so I think, if anyone is going to be in that 1% (or whatever) of spontaneous vas regeneration, it's gonna be us, goddamnit.

Still. Worth it. Would you guys consider it?

G said...

Thanks dbd & chandelle.

Most definitely, a vasectomy is the top of that "other options" list.

We have really high deductibles, so it's not like it would be any less expensive, but most certainly a one time thing.

(chandelle, most certainly art will be coming out of that :) Also, a hat tip to Gustav Klimt's "Danae" with it's golden sea of sperm. ♡♡♡)