Thursday, December 2, 2010

keeping friends

I've had this reoccurring thought, a question, about how many people I keep in touch with as time passes.

The reality is I tend to move on from people.

It's frequently that as my circumstances change, so does who I hang out with. IE, empolyment, housing, school, etc.

And also...
There can be a certain appeal in moving on from those who know your flaws to those for whom you are a new and shiny mystery.

And I have a difficult time creating deep and lasting friendships.

So that reoccurring thought tickling the back of my mind, it's telling me to work harder at being a better friend.
That's all.

13 comments:

Bored in Vernal said...

I felt really sad as I read this post today. I have a couple of friends who I feel are "moving on" from me right now. It's nothing specific, no animosity, just ... distance.

I guess I am the opposite type of person, I want to keep my friends forever, I want to bind them to me hand and foot, I want to pull a Joseph Smith and seal both my men and women friends to me for time and all eternity. Once someone is my friend I never want them to leave me, even if we fight, or move away, or marry someone. In writing this comment I'm revealing the scary, stalker-ish qualities about myself that sometimes I have to rein in tightly. I do recognize that if I stifle my friends I will scare them and push them away. So I try hard to keep these tendencies from getting too strong. But I do long for more closeness and intimacy with almost all of my friends and acquaintances.

And it's also December, and I'm probably not getting enough sun.

galen dara said...

BIV~ i love you :) will you be my second wife?

your comment made me realize something about myself; I think I may have a bit of that tenancy towards stalker-ish over-the-top involvement with someone, only to have it fade and/or fizzle, unable to sustain.

I'm not sure.
But I am thinking about it. And trying to work on it.

(plus, I hear the Vitamine D3 is very helpful this time of year. Hugs and love to you.)

missoularedhead said...

Over the last year, I've lost a lot of friends. Moving does that to a person, and there's only so many people who do long distance friendships well.

But I knew that would happen, so I'm okay with it. What I'm still struggling with is the friend who talked a lot of talk about friends coming before relationships, and then in less than 2 years, met someone & married that person, despite the fact that while she liked his married friends, all of his single friends had to go. Me, especially, because not only was I single, I was *female*, and therefore must have my sights set on him. I've known this man for 9 years, and he was one of my best friends. We went on road trips together, were each other's dates for occasions requiring dates…and nothing ever happened. I think it would have by now, just saying. I see him on FB, but no invite to the wedding (despite promises that I would be IN the wedding party if he ever got married, mind).

Yeah, I feel ya. But I've learned my lesson the hard way.

galen dara said...

missoularedhead~ ouch... I'm so sorry. that sucks :(

mfranti said...

Galen is prolly my only real friend (other than my spouse). I trust her.

[edited]

Lessie said...

G and Molly, I suppose that's why I love y'all so much. Since you're online friends, I can take you anywhere I go :)

galen dara said...

lessie! YES! thank heavens for the internet.. otherwise I'd be a TOTAL loner. <3

Chandelle said...

Moly, I'm offended. :(

G, I totally get you on this one. I'm pretty terrible about pulling away from loved ones. But this is more on my mind because I'm trying to reach out to a friend now without even a hint of a response. I can't help but feel rejected. But maybe it's my karma because I'm not always the most responsive friend myself. (sigh)

mfranti said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mfranti said...

Chandelle, you're right. I can definitely add more names to the list of those that I can trust.

But I was determined to get a damn comment in on this post because I had deleted 15 previous attempts.

I'm a bit bitter these days when it comes to friends. I believe most people are selfish fucks.

Lessie, you're on the list, too.

mfranti said...

p.s.

chandelle, you are worse than I am about returning emails. I don't hold it against you.

author said...

just a lurker here... but i think you captured what i haven't been able to articulate about myself. so thanks for that. :)

-that1girl

galen dara said...

thank you nicole :)