Thursday, December 2, 2010

keeping friends

I've had this reoccurring thought, a question, about how many people I keep in touch with as time passes.

The reality is I tend to move on from people.

It's frequently that as my circumstances change, so does who I hang out with. IE, empolyment, housing, school, etc.

And also...
There can be a certain appeal in moving on from those who know your flaws to those for whom you are a new and shiny mystery.

And I have a difficult time creating deep and lasting friendships.

So that reoccurring thought tickling the back of my mind, it's telling me to work harder at being a better friend.
That's all.

13 comments:

Bored in Vernal said...

I felt really sad as I read this post today. I have a couple of friends who I feel are "moving on" from me right now. It's nothing specific, no animosity, just ... distance.

I guess I am the opposite type of person, I want to keep my friends forever, I want to bind them to me hand and foot, I want to pull a Joseph Smith and seal both my men and women friends to me for time and all eternity. Once someone is my friend I never want them to leave me, even if we fight, or move away, or marry someone. In writing this comment I'm revealing the scary, stalker-ish qualities about myself that sometimes I have to rein in tightly. I do recognize that if I stifle my friends I will scare them and push them away. So I try hard to keep these tendencies from getting too strong. But I do long for more closeness and intimacy with almost all of my friends and acquaintances.

And it's also December, and I'm probably not getting enough sun.

G said...

BIV~ i love you :) will you be my second wife?

your comment made me realize something about myself; I think I may have a bit of that tenancy towards stalker-ish over-the-top involvement with someone, only to have it fade and/or fizzle, unable to sustain.

I'm not sure.
But I am thinking about it. And trying to work on it.

(plus, I hear the Vitamine D3 is very helpful this time of year. Hugs and love to you.)

missoularedhead said...

Over the last year, I've lost a lot of friends. Moving does that to a person, and there's only so many people who do long distance friendships well.

But I knew that would happen, so I'm okay with it. What I'm still struggling with is the friend who talked a lot of talk about friends coming before relationships, and then in less than 2 years, met someone & married that person, despite the fact that while she liked his married friends, all of his single friends had to go. Me, especially, because not only was I single, I was *female*, and therefore must have my sights set on him. I've known this man for 9 years, and he was one of my best friends. We went on road trips together, were each other's dates for occasions requiring dates…and nothing ever happened. I think it would have by now, just saying. I see him on FB, but no invite to the wedding (despite promises that I would be IN the wedding party if he ever got married, mind).

Yeah, I feel ya. But I've learned my lesson the hard way.

G said...

missoularedhead~ ouch... I'm so sorry. that sucks :(

Moly B Denum said...

Galen is prolly my only real friend (other than my spouse). I trust her.

[edited]

Lessie said...

G and Molly, I suppose that's why I love y'all so much. Since you're online friends, I can take you anywhere I go :)

G said...

lessie! YES! thank heavens for the internet.. otherwise I'd be a TOTAL loner. <3

Chandelle said...

Moly, I'm offended. :(

G, I totally get you on this one. I'm pretty terrible about pulling away from loved ones. But this is more on my mind because I'm trying to reach out to a friend now without even a hint of a response. I can't help but feel rejected. But maybe it's my karma because I'm not always the most responsive friend myself. (sigh)

Moly B Denum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Moly B Denum said...

Chandelle, you're right. I can definitely add more names to the list of those that I can trust.

But I was determined to get a damn comment in on this post because I had deleted 15 previous attempts.

I'm a bit bitter these days when it comes to friends. I believe most people are selfish fucks.

Lessie, you're on the list, too.

Moly B Denum said...

p.s.

chandelle, you are worse than I am about returning emails. I don't hold it against you.

nicole said...

just a lurker here... but i think you captured what i haven't been able to articulate about myself. so thanks for that. :)

-that1girl

G said...

thank you nicole :)