Wednesday, October 21, 2009

winter is my discontent

There's a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons--
That opresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes...
-emily dickinson (full poem here)
Perhaps it's seasonal depression, perhaps it's the pressure of holiday season, perhaps it's facing a dying year and another birthday (Capricorn!) and fears of growing older... but whatever it is, Winter is my down time. My off season. And I start to feel the first strokings of this right about now, the Fall. (Which sucks, living in Tucson; Fall is such a relief from the heavy summer heat. I LOVE Fall and Winter!)

The past few years the off-ness has actually been a heavy crash, a fairly burdensome melancholy. But this year, I have a plan, and lists of little things to jumpstart out of a downward spiral if I start down that path. Little rituals and routines for my salvation. Heh, I started to list what my rituals are, but they are so benign and boring, sufice it to say, I have them, and they are easy, and I think they will work. We'll see if they work, if I can embrace this season of death with hope. (Hehheh.)

Meanwhile, for your viewing entertainment, two absolutely delightful music video's which a friend shared with me, and BOTH of them touch upon the dying times of Fall and Winter.
The short animated "Rain" and the most exquisit Emilie Simon's "Fleur de Saison" (Sorry, couldn't embed them, but do go see them; pure amazing.)


6 comments:

Sean said...

I've already dipped so low over the past month that I'm actually considering asking my doctor to put me back on antidepressants. I hate the side effects, but...

G said...

sorry it's been bad, sean.
I also hated the side effects of the meds when I was on them.

hugs and happy thoughts to you friend.

Chandelle said...

One thing I would really suggest for you, if you're not doing it already, is taking a vitamin D supplement. Almost everybody is deficient and it's tightly connected to depression. When I lived in Utah, my wintertime blues became increasingly difficult with every year that passed. Last year, I tried vitamin D starting in the autumn and there was noticeable improvement. It's cheap, it's easy, and it's broadly essential, so you really have nothing to lose. I'm not generally a supporter of supplementation, but I think vitamin D is worthwhile.

I've struggled with the beast melancholia all my life, and since moving I've definitely felt the pull of the downward spiral (and listening to a lot of The Downward Spiral ain't helpin' me none!). Generally, I just like to wallow in it and get really down with that self-pity and -loathing and so forth, so I really admire that you're being proactive.

G said...

vitamin D, just added it to my plan. Thanks chandelle. :)

here's hoping being "proactive" works.

Lessie said...

Last winter was the best winter I've had in years. I think it was because I was making so many changes and being so assertive with my life. But this fall I've noticed just a slight lag in my enthusiasm. I may add some Vitamin D to my diet as well. Of course, as you know, I've also hit upon a new plan to shake things up for a bit this winter ;-) We'll see where that takes me...

Hang in there and good luck :) And you know I'm here if you need me.

angryyoungwoman said...

Fall and spring are both hard for me, these kind of in-between seasons (the holidays are also sooooo difficult). I really crashed hard this fall, which I didn't expect because I thought I was doing a lot better. I guess I'll be trying the vitamin d, too.