Sunday, September 13, 2009

closed mic

in a few minutes I will be heading out the door to go to church.
in all probability, I will sit in the back and say nothing.
there is really nothing I could say that would be found acceptable by my ward family.
this is a issue I have mulled over and mulled over and gone back and forth with for sometime now, trying to find how to be the openly apostate member in my ward (so far, nothing open about it)... and for that cause, JohnR's recent post (the one about the member who had the mic turned off by the bishop during testimony meeting) has REALLY been on my mind...
This man is heroic to me.
but he is also my cautionary tale.
I don't have the guts to get up and speak my peace to my sisters and brothers.
I don't have it in me to be shut down in the way he was.

I'll write more about this later... (heheh, sitting in the back of sunday school should provide the perfect opportunity to clarify these thoughts a bit more)


tq said...

Hope you find what you're looking for.

Kelly Ann said...

G, I have actually been thinking about you a bit this weekend. I too have decided that I am an openly apostate church-goer.

The same post captured my attention and I have made a few comments in response. I don't think this type of censorship always exists. I think Bishops and SPs can be very understanding. I am becoming more comfortable speaking out, not just in terms of Prop8 but in regards to other issues. I do it with care but am hopeful that I will be accepted as I am.

G said...

thanks tq.

and kelly ann... thanks for the thoughts. :)
I do think this type of situation varies depending on the local leadership. For example, I have a REALLY hard time seeing my current bishopric doing something like what that bishop did. which gives me hope.

Likewise... I do wonder about everything that went on behind the scenes leading up to that particular meeting. Human error and misunderstand and pride etc on both sides seem to me entirely likely.

meanwhile... good luck with your new status as 'openly apostate church goer' :P actually... I am HIGHLY curious as to how it goes for you... I could use some pointers myself

Anonymous said...

Why go at all and not worry about it ;)

adamf said...

I wish you were in my ward. Or perhaps there are people in similar situations who don't feel comfortable letting it be known... regardless, we NEED the questioners, the dissenters, the wanderers, the doubters, right along with the conservatives, the radically moderate liberals (like me), the bishops, etc. etc. THEN we can truly grow and be challenged. Then we can truly learn how to love and serve others regardless of differences, which is the whole point of the gospel anyway! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, but I get worked up over this stuff. :)

Imho, the bishop should have let the man finish, and then step up afterward and clear up whatever he needed to. I have NO desire to ever be a bishop, but a part of me wants to so I can be a haven for members like him, and apostates, and sinners, and people with more than one stinkin' pair of earrings... ug.
There are many bishops like that out there though. My dad was one.

G said...

aw thanks adam :) I wish I was in your ward too.
heheh, actually, like you said, there probably ARE people like you in my own ward, I just haven't taken the time to find them out. and that's my bad.

RE, the video, as I have found out a bit more about the speaker's background (and the text of his speech) I am a bit more conflicted about his particular choices in 'speaking his peace' (publicly asking for your name to be removed from the records of the church as part of your sacrament talk.... REALLY not my style)... however I still have deep conflict over what exactly I COULD say if ever asked to speak/teach.
(currently, I am turning down all invitations to teach etc)