meet Eve

Okay, so BiV beat me too writing about this (and OF COURSE, she did it way better than I could), but anyways; I'm drawing a story about Eve. Yes, drawing, because really, I'm better at images than words... though we shall see if I can jump into the sequential nature of graphic novels with any success. Now I'm still working out the particulars, but the general run down goes something like this: After the fall, Eve returns to the garden to have it out with that angel who was placed as guardian. Whether she beheads him or just beats him to a bloody pulp I'm not real sure, but as with Virginia Wolf, she has to kill this angel to get on with what she needs to do. She also takes on the apple (see above, inspired by Brooke's delightful poem on eating the apple). Now I'm still not sure the exact outcome of all this, but Eve's bottom line here is to have a deadly serious conversation with God (who, of course, is also her husband Adam, because Brigham said so. Oh, and Adam is also Michael who helped create the earth. Yah, serious schizophrenic identity crisis here. Utterly fascinating.)

So here's the thing, several people have asked me why this isn't a story about Lilith (the usual suspect for uppity aggressive garden of eden variety femaleness).

It's because I was endowed in the temple and, as a woman, was a stand in for Eve. I was dressed in her name, said things in her name, did things in her name, I was her and she was me.

And she was this silent and passive thing, created to please Adam. (Absolutely LOVE Lynnette's take on the subject. Wow.)

So instead of despising her (a strong tendency, especially at the end of the temple movie when Adam is pontificating and her role is to hang insipidly on him like eye candy) I wanted to re-invent her. To give her a quest. Give her a sword (she takes that flaming one from the angel). Give her a mind of her own and the grit to do what she needs to do which is different than what the 'authorities' are telling her to do.

I guess feel I owe it to her. And to me.

So that's why it's about Eve and not Lilith.

Oh, and btw, I've written before about my artist's block and my neglected studio...
Well lately I'm back in the paint again! and it feels good. Just had to share :)

Killing them with love

In the book section of a Deseret Industries I found this outstanding gem of 1970's homophobia: Growing Up Straight, What Every Thoughtful Parent Should Know about Homosexuality. A guide for parents to be able to "help prevent homosexuality from developing in youngsters" and "spot incipient homosexuality and... take steps to alter it's course." I bought it in a heartbeat. To have it as proof that yes, people actually DID once think this way.

I kinda forgot I had it till I found out about elder Bruce C. Hafen's talk on overcoming homosexuality (discussing how God "has the power to remove your unwanted same-gender attraction" but he might chose not to, but still...)

I guess people still do think that way.

(BTW, if you haven't yet, check out ECS's superb breakdown of Hafen's citation problems.)

My main thought, upon hearing Hafen's words; How many individuals went home after hearing his 'loving' rhetoric, and seriously thought about opening a vein?

I wish I could say more about this, but time is short and my words aren't coming the way I wish they would.
Maybe later they will.

closed mic

in a few minutes I will be heading out the door to go to church.
in all probability, I will sit in the back and say nothing.
there is really nothing I could say that would be found acceptable by my ward family.
this is a issue I have mulled over and mulled over and gone back and forth with for sometime now, trying to find how to be the openly apostate member in my ward (so far, nothing open about it)... and for that cause, JohnR's recent post (the one about the member who had the mic turned off by the bishop during testimony meeting) has REALLY been on my mind...
This man is heroic to me.
but he is also my cautionary tale.
I don't have the guts to get up and speak my peace to my sisters and brothers.
I don't have it in me to be shut down in the way he was.

I'll write more about this later... (heheh, sitting in the back of sunday school should provide the perfect opportunity to clarify these thoughts a bit more)

words about God

From two different friends, two fascinating quotes about belief in God.

From Jana:
Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.
~Thomas Jefferson

And from Judith:
[excerpts from THE AWAKENING By Don Marquis]
...The God that we have worshipped for a million years begins to be,
And he whom we have prayed to creates himself out of the stuff of our prayers...

For them that have desired a God create him from the stuff of that desire....

He builds himself out of the desperate faith of them that have sought him,
And his face shall be wrought of the wish to see his face....

Out of agonies and love shall God be made...

For he builds himself of the passion of martyrs,
And he is woven of the ecstasy of great lovers,
And he is wrought of the anguish of them that have greatly needed him.

[This poem is much longer but these were phrases that particularly caught me. Unfortunately, I cannot find an online version. Let me know if you find one.]

I'll have to say more later...
For now, I just wanted to put these up, frame them together, and think about them for a while.