Thursday, February 14, 2008


It feels rather serendipitous... Last summer I wrote this post about how I was thinking about getting a tattoo. I had spent a lot of time sketching out some ideas and looking at tattoos and talking to people about their tattoos. Well, I got busy with other things and the idea was put in the back of the fridge, so to speak. Then just last month, I went to a tattoo parlor with a friend. On a whim. Just to check it out. No, I didn't get a tattoo, but it was an interesting step to take. Then early this month the Exponent II ran a guest post by Amy b about the process of getting her first tattoo (photo on right). I was very impressed by the tattoo, and also by her words as she wrote about why she got it, and the symbolic meaning behind the image. Then a few days after that one of my flickr friends posted pictures she had taken of her sister, a very talented SLC tattoo artist (here's an article about her in the local mag.).

So, tattoos are back on my mind again.

But here's the thing, I still haven't found the image that feels right. After all my sketching, I have come to the realization that my own artistic inclinations do not lend themselves to tattoo designs. I have more thoughts put down about my prospective tattoo than actual images (lots of paragraphs about of the kind of symbols/objects/ideas that are meaningful to me... but not many sketches that I would like as a tattoo). But I do have an idea of what I like... I lean towards simple black graphic designs . Like Bjork's viking compass (or maybe the lyrics to one of her songs in braille), or Christina Ricci's lion (photo on the left), or Angelina Jolie's khmer script (I really like text, and the idea of using text to make an image). Yet, when I checked out Sarah's online gallery, I was very impressed with her beautiful color work. She does an incredible job with elaborate renderings and vivid hues. Kinda makes me want to re-think my simple black marks. So many options! Including, of course, size. I spoke to Amy about hers, and she shared with me what her tattoo artist told her; "If it's small it will look like a sticker. You want it to move with you." (*GULP*) I am, as of yet, pretty tentative... a 'sticker' sounds not so bad. But perhaps when I find the perfect image, it may just naturally demand more real estate. We'll see.

The nice thing is that I am still in the gestational phase. Anything is possible, and there is no pressing deadline by which I have to make any permanent decisions. This is good, because another really important step for me is to get my husband's support. And that may take a little bit of time. He is rather conservative and a little leery of tattoos. This is not an issue of permission or approval; that is not how our marriage works. But this is something big for me, something I have been thinking about for a while, and if/when it does happen, it will be a very important moment in my life. I want him to be there when I get it done. So I also have this time that I am looking for 'my tattoo' to keep an open dialogue with him about it. Ease his fears, get him comfortable with the idea.

Some people have very strong feelings against tattoos. A few of the comments generated by Amy's post were quite derogatory, some people's personal feelings about body art goaded them into mean-spirited attacks. The comments finally had to be disabled because of a couple of trolls who wouldn't stop making caps-locked condemnations. (I know, because while the comments were deleted, they were still forwarded to my mailbox. I had almost sixty in a row from one anonymous commenter. Nice stuff.) It's good to know in advance that my having a tattoo may generate some strong reactions from people. To be prepared for it. To be one of the things on the table for consideration as I think about getting a tattoo.

Anyhoo... it may still be a while before I go under the needle, I'll keep you posted!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

a day in my life...

Rather tired at the moment... a bunch of stuff inside my head that I would love to write about, but don't have the energy right now. Back almost a year ago I wrote this Day in the Life entry for fMh, it was interesting to revisit it. Some things have changed, some have not. My Little Buddy turned four in december, and naps have gone the way of the dinosaur (as has trying to get up early to write 'morning pages'. That didn't last long at all.) . I am a little less baffled by a day spent with a child (probably due to his being older and more self-sufficient) and the evening welding class proved to me that I am a shitty metal worker and needed to explore other avenues, which led to the epiphany that I needed to get some marketable skills in an art-related field. That led to my current curriculum that has my time now filled with figuring out how to successfully connect to the FTP remote info at my home computer so that I can continue to work on the practice website I started in class. And I'm working on my first Adobe Flash movie; it's just the first project, pretty simple; only called for two animated layers and a bitmap image... now, over eighteen hours and forty animated layers later, I am trying to convince myself to leave it alone already! It's fine the way it is! On top of that I am also exploring all the manual controls on my camera; shutter speed, aperture, white balance, exposure compensation, focus modes, etc... trying to get to where I can take a really good picture without having to spend hours in photoshop afterwards. And I am loving all of it! But that is just Tuesday and Thursday. Monday Wednesday and Friday I am returning baby-sitting favors to my friends (just last week, I ended up with 6 kids at once. SIX!!! My one, two from this friend, one from that one, and two from a woman I visit teach; one of which was a six-month-old. That was fun.)
The whole housekeeping thing is still way way way down on my list, my bathrooms are pretty scary, as is the kitchen sink... and when was the last time I dusted? (hmmm... pass.)
Sadly, the blogging thing has also been shoved down a few notches on my plate. Eventually sometime I would like to get to writing posts on the 'living' nature of the church, how my lover and I negotiate my change in faith, self-esteem and goddess worship, the struggle to decide if we should have another child, and polygamy (just to name a few of the things rattling around in my noggin).
(That fortune cookie at the top says "you will accomplish more later if you have a little fun this weekend." So there you go!)

Sunday, February 3, 2008

talks in primary

"Hi everyone! Jesus made planet earth for all of us. So we need to take care of planet earth. And be kind to everyone on it. Including animals. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
This was the content of my Little Buddy's first talk in primary. And here is the picture we drew together to show while he gave the talk.
when the primary president gave me the slip of paper announcing he was giving a talk, my first emotion was... panic? rebellion? can't really describe it... but I was definitely conflicted. The little slip of paper stated that the theme was on how God created the earth and Adam and Eve were our first parents. What can I give my child to say, that won't feel false to me, but that won't offend everyone in the primary? What words will I put in my child's mouth? So that is what I came up with, simple sentences focusing mostly on taking care of the earth and being kind to others. I felt okay about those words.

I am mostly okay with sending my son to primary, it is only two hours a week and, at this age, mostly focusing on singing. I feel that I will be able to 'deprogram' whatever harmful stuff his head is filled with, and he enjoys being with the other kids his age. But yes, I am conflicted... because I don't believe about 90% of the stuff he will be taught there, and my lover does. There will surely come a time where that becomes a point of conflict in how we teach our child. I don't want to mess up his head... but not sure that can be avoided with one parent believing in the church and the other not believing. This post at fMh haunted me as the kind of thing that could potentially happen, but that I want to avoid; parents pulling in two different directions, the kids caught in the middle, and the emotional blackmail of 'keeping the family together'.
So for now, I just go along, compromising with the words I put in my child's mouth, and worrying about how this all will affect my son's life.