I"ve come to what feels like a bit of a watershed point with the church. I didn't anticipate this, I really thought I could continue for some time in my current path. But I really don't think I can for much longer.
I can either peacefully leave the church, stop attending, and be open with friends and family about my no longer 'living the gospel'
or
I can move back into full participation in the church. Began wearing garments again, live the word of wisdom, 'confess' to the bishop and work towards getting temple recommend.
I need to write more about this, I know. I have explained nothing here to give anyone any indication of my personal reasons for and against each of those options, or the lack of any forms of 'middle road' options... but I'm going to post this now anyways, and come back to it later.
9 comments:
I feel a bit in the same spot. Not entirely, of course, since I don't know your life or your specificities or any of that, but there's a part of me (a major part of me) that's struggled a lot in the past months/year with whether or not to accept the church. And another part wonders if the church can accept me.
I just want to say I sympathize and I'm familiar with the struggle. I haven't found a conclusion to the struggle, but I'm familiar with it. I really wish you the best. There's so much that I like about you and I want to know that a person like you can survive in Mormondom (it gives me hope).
G, I always hate to see someone reach this point, because we really need more diversity of ideas in the Church. When a thoughtful questioner leaves, it tends to polarize the Church, leaving only cookie-cutter Mormons.
HOWEVER!!! I also think people should know that it is perfectly OK to take a break. To leave for a while for their own sanity. To step back and take stock. Without feeling pressure to make any big decisions. By all means, get out of the pressure cooker.
Even some of those who don't have questions experience burnout. Why? Because for some reason Mormons think they have to go to every weenie-roast!!
I hope that you will share more of your story here, because I'm just so dang curious! Wishing you peace and a safe place to rest.
G,
I have been following your comments for the past six months or so (as a lurker!). I became "acquainted" with you when I read some of your posts at FMH and followed the link to here. I have been following my own path of "thoughtful questioning" this past year. Sometimes I'm very nervous about where it's taking me and I have been so glad to find others out there willing to share their experiences. Sometimes I just wish I could sit down with you in person and talk!
Thanks for being willing to share your journey.
Please post more about your feelings on this matter. I also feel very similar to you and I bounce around from day to day on how to proceed with my feelings and the church. Thanks for all your wonderful posts.
thankyou guys, for you comments. I promise, I will write more about this, it's just being kinda hard to know even where to start.
and I am feeling short on words at the moment.
especially about this.
but, thanks.
Please don't leave. I can honestly say we are not perfect nor can we ever be. I have had these same thoughts recently and decided I need to be happy and move forward and be worthy. I can honestly say it is hard but it is happier. I seriously hate most people in the church, but I realize the church is perfect but the people are not. I have followed your blog as well, I recently thought about leaving but I realized I went on a mission, I have a testimony, and I would hurt myself if I left the church. Stay Faithful! One of my favorite scriptures is Ether 12:27, it helps me so much. You rock!!!
g, i'm going to get over there and respond to your email now (i'm such a schmuck...) but i just wanted to say, i frickin' love your photography and i'm insanely jealous that you have such artistic vision.
I definitely understand what you're saying. It's such a tough place to be in, a situation I never would have thought I would have been in. When I first started questioning the church I told myself I was just "thinking," but figured that I would stay, no matter what. At some point I realized I had to consider both alternatives, leaving and staying, and finally five months ago it was time to make a choice. The middle road wasn't working for me either. I truly do believe that there are many reasons for either option, and for everyone there may be more reasons for staying or leaving. I also believe you can find peace and happiness in either way. For me, there were more reasons to leave than to stay, and I while the transition hasn't been completely easy, I have felt much better and at peace since I have ended my activity in the church.
Good luck in this difficult time.
I left, heartbroken, decades ago. Left, here, means doesn't attend church; my Mormonness is impossible to shed. I saw no middle way, which I gladly would have taken. I hope that the "middle way" has sprung up now, or maybe always existed. The Bloggosphere (hi! it's almost like having friends!) has a huge variety of opinions; kind, accepting people. So, wear your garmies once a month (morning & evening, or whatever the phrase is) tell the truth gently; perhaps it will work. Or not.
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