I am down to the last two pages in my journal. I want to make it last till December. Then it would cover a whole year. This particular journal I got as a gift from a friend several years ago but it took me forever to actually get up the courage to make a mark on it. It is one of those handcrafted works of art with fragile looking pages and elegant sliding wood clasps on the front. And I wear out journals like I wear out my favorite pair of jeans; way before I get to the last page I am needing to repair the binding and reinforce some of the pages.
In an entry on the first page of this ephemeral book I wrote “I pray the elegant beauty of these pages does not daunt my ability and stymie my need” (yes, sometimes I write all stuffy like that.) It didn’t. This book has gotten me through one of the most trying years of my life. These delicate pages (mulberry, perhaps?) have born an enormous weight and held strong.
Yes, I have had to reinforce the binding. There are smudges and food stains and tape now on these pages (along with my ugly chicken-scratch handwriting, poor spelling and bad grammar)… And I love this book all the better for it. Gives it character. Only two pages left. I have already purchased what will be my next journal, a sturdy plain book with sensible white pages (blank, no lines) like the kind I have previously used. It too will be a good one for me. But… these last two handcrafted pages that are remaining… what possible things can I write on them to bring to closure this book? That probably sounds silly but it’s how my weird little mind works. Two more pages, two more days till December… And how awkward is that, to start a new journal one month BEFORE New Years?!? But there is no way those two pages will last me out for a whole month. On a literary whim tomorrow they may not last until December…
And that would be okay too.
3 comments:
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another reason why I am jealous of you. I have NEVER been able to write in a journal. my friend liz, has volumes and volumes of journal writings and she's tried to talk me into it but I am just too lazy. and I really don't have anything to write in it. but it is something i would like to do. i think that's why I have the blog now. it's an easier way for me to keep track of my thoughts without having to actually write.
(giddiness! my very first comment on my own personal blog... thanks mr. pink's mom;-) )
I am very interested to see what having a blog will do to my journal writing... it's pretty different for me, my journal is very raw and uncensored.
I have to admit that I will probably edit and censor quite a bit here in cyberspace. maybe that will change... we'll see!
aw dang! smily icons don't work here? how do I change that?
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