This past month (or few) I have sat down multiple times to write posts about various and sundry thoughts or ideas and been unable to make them come together. Unable to say what I thought I was going to say. Not out loud anyways.
I'm finding renewed value in the privacy of my journal where I can hash things out raw and without concern for nuance (and without audience). I'm finding renewed value in getting back into the images of things. Really, words aren't my forte. I hit brick walls every time I try to put things into words. Don't get me wrong, I keep coming back to them. I LOVE words and reading and writing them. But I found that lately they are failing me. Or I'm failing them. Whichever.
And it also feels that I'm changing my mind, rapidly, about things I hadn't anticipated changing. It a private process, changing from what you were to, well, whatever it is that you will be next. There is an embarrassing element of inconsistency about it. It really dims the desire to make statements about it or to try to define it while "it" is still a mess of floating things not nailed down.
So, I'm finding a renewed value in just being quiet for a while (sort of a twist on 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all').
And wouldn't it be ironic if just by saying this it opens up the floodgates and I suddenly find all sorts of things to say?
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
hashing and re-hashing
(whatever, I know I'm never going to figure it out.)
Hi! I'm G
hashing and re-hashing
tweet tweet
Labels
- LDS
- about me
- my family
- gender issues
- self-image
- spirituality
- my art
- books
- god/deity
- depression
- environment/social justice
- atheism/agnostic
- friends
- writing/blogging
- exponent2
- housework
- active life
- quotes/poems
- religion
- temple
- connubiality
- art
- tattoos and piercings
- word of wisdom
- photography
- humor
- politics
- growing up
posts that have helped
- chandelle's poetry is stunning
- lynnette calls a spade a spade
- JohnR Quixote faces the brink
- lessie descends from the pedistal
- darcy, when the LDS church falls flat
- d'arcy, when the LDS church rises above.
- Jana questions authority
- jana on the WOW
- apogee in cinderella's castle
- parents and children by JohnR
- death, disturbia and artistic expression
- the artist working through the empty
- johnR hacks the social systems
- BIV on the history of LDS birthcontrol
- mraynes on change in the LDS church
- FD on change in the LDS church
- xjane's atheism
- polygamy, fatherhood, and ssm by kislilili
- amy and her NM husband
- presiding to be important? by kiskilili
- nephi and his asherah. (thanks BIV!)
- chandelle's fable
- mormon's and profanity, by johnR
- bushman on losing faith in Joseph Smith (thanks adam)
- chandelle's names, dates, and times
- palin and feminism by xjane
- mogget on LDS biblical scholarship
- some of jeremy's thoughts
- chandelle on abortion
- angry mormon liberal on questioning prophets
- JohnR on death and the stars
- JohnR on the church, family and extortion
- on not raising up childern to the lord
- female athletes as porn?
- Not Ophelia, Traditional Marriage is Dead
- problems with certainty
- mormons for marriage at fMh
- kiskilili on priesthood attenuation
- c.l. hanson on objectification of women
- eve's loneliness as a believer
- kiskilili on the link between 'preside' and 'provide' in the POTF
- C.L. Hansen leaves the garden
- Greg Prince on Mormomism
- Kiskilili on chicken patriarchy
- Kiskilili, on how everyone thinks they are right
- Caroline's Temple Experience
- liminality part II by Janet
- liminality part I by Janet
- Deborah on leaving, then returning
- Dora on finding a middle ground
- everone picks and chooses, by Caroline
- how to stay active when dissaffected, by John P. Delhin
- Chandelle on spirituality vs religion
- Men's nightmare plan of salvation, by Gaia
- why Lynette doesn't want to believe in Heavenly Mother
- the talk Julie M. Smith never gave
10 comments:
Feels weird to comment publicly on a post on private thinking. :)
I'm glad that you're working things out internally. You seem, in many ways, to be an intensely private person. This may be the medium in which you feel the freest?
heheh... yeah, weird. I know. :)
I go through phases where I am more private (quiet, introspective, whatever) than at other times.
both mediums (public/external and private/internal) have great value for me. I'm just finding it easier to try to 'work things out' internally at the moment.
I hear you. I feel you. I like you.
Keep being you.
thanks d'arcy. that means a great deal to me. :)
Quiet times can be valuable. I hope you are finding the answers you need. :)
Yeah, I'm there with ya, hun. BUT I love hearing all the hashing out and the inconsistencies, so post on, if you feel like it. I will certainly read and listen!
Oh G...I feel you, lady. It is so hard sometimes to say what we want/need to say. And seriously, is there any consistency? In anything? Ever? Because I feel some things so intensely and yet cannot manage to stay on the same track for more than a few minutes at a time.
I envy you that words are not your primary outlet, however. They are for me and if I can't say something - and lately, I've had the same thing, sitting down to write and rarely finishing anything - I end up so blocked and frustrated. If only I could draw something that didn't look like something a caffeinated 3-year-old would make. :)
thanks, ayw, biv and chandelle. :)
and chandelle, I am also wishing right now that I could draw something that doesn't look like a caffeinated three yr old did it.
(seriously! my son is doing better work than me right now!)
eh, words only serve to confuse things—draw, sing, do whatever you need. And if you feel like posting it, you've an audience :)
I tried to comment when you first wrote this and then my computer crapped out. But I've wondered how you were-I hope you are doing okay.
I know what you mean about not being able to say or write something. I don't think words are my strongest suite either (not that I'm agreeing with you about yours! I always really appreciate what you have to say). Also, sometimes I feel like writing something down gives more definition to something than I really feel, and I'm not always ready to define it. So whatever you're doing, I hope it's working for you. :)
Post a Comment